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June 2009
Cesky Krumlov
17 June 2009 - 20:16
Right now, at this very moment, I am sitting in a hostel, with free beer, in Cesky Krumlov. I know I haven't posted anything legitimate this month, but I have been pretty busy after all. Well, kinda'...
When my sister first arrived to Prague, things seemed just as expected. She was tired, from jet lag, and a bit out of shape, because that's how some Americans naturally tend to be. So, for the first few days I knew it would be a bit slow going until she was acclimated to this strange new world over here.
Much to my surprise, this has never came to be. From Prague, we moved to Budapest. That day started a bit early and was mostly seven hours on a bus. Yeah that kinda' sucks, but it wouldn't leave you tired and exhausted, or would it? Apparently, that plus the walk from the metro station to the hostel almost killed my sister. Ok, I can deal with that yet still. We took it easy that night, ate a nice meal and then went to bed early.
The next day, I woke up rested, full of energy and ready to go. She seemed to be almost comparable. Budapest happens to be a really large city, but almost flat except the hill where the castle is located. That was our first objective so that it would be done and over with. We finally made it to the top, enjoyed the view and then I asked her if she wanted to go to the castle, which was actually a bit downhill from where we where. She replied with, "Not really".
Ok... Normally, people go to cities and visit the castle, but you don't have to if you don't want to I guess. I had already been there, so it was no big deal for me to not go. We walked around this city just a bit more from there and then she was tired and wanted to go back to the hostel to rest. We ended up staying there the rest of the evening, watching a movie or something. Sure, I get it, she is still tired from that long flight. It sucks pretty bad, I know.
The following morning, we didn't have any specific plan, so we slept in and took our time getting ready. Because of some scheduling issues, we had to switch hostels that day. So, we packed out things and walked to the other hostel. It wasn't terribly far, but was still a good walk with a heavy bag never-the-less. After we got checked in and sat down a bit, I was ready to get going because the day only is so long. She wanted to sit longer and check her emails or something.
Finally, we got going and had a long, but flat and easy walk ahead of us. Halfway there, we somehow ended up in the first of many arguments. I'm sure it started with me asking her to walk a little faster. Granted, there was no hurry to be anywhere, but there was also no reason to be passed by snails either. The most annoying part of it all, and it hasn't stopped yet the entire trip, she won't walk at my side, but instead behind me. Sure, it seems unimportant where she walks, but for me, it's much easier to keep an eye on her and the other potentially thieving hands around us, if she is beside me. We did a bit more walking that day, ate at the BK Lounge and once more returned to the hostel quite early, long before it was time for bed...
From Budapest, we made it to Bratislava. Knowing that it was a small city, we, rather I, had made the plan to stay only one night. So, we arrived in the early afternoon and headed up to see a bit of the city. As it turns out, its not just small, but REALLY small. Before we could knew it, we were already at the bottom of the hill of the castle, still with half a day to kill. I opted to go on up and see it since we were already there. She had no arguments, but halfway to the top, she did have a few complaints... Another ridiculous argument was spurred, but what about, I don't remember.
At some point through out our trip, she said or did something which pointed out to me that I was making EVERY decisions - where we ate, where we went, what we saw, how long we saw it and anything else, except when she was tired and wanted to go to bed... I was also leading every second of our expedition as well. So, when I woke up the following morning, I decided she should have a least a little responsibility. As we were checking out, I handed her the keys to give to the nice lady at the desk and told her to ask about a bus from there to Vienna.
She gave the keys to the lady and came back to where I was standing. I asked her what she found out about the bus and she said, "I didn't know what to ask". How about, "Do you know anything about a bus to Vienna?" Really, it isn't THAT hard and certainly isn't rocket science, is it??? As we stepped out of the hostel on to the street, I then asked her which way she was going, knowing that she had the map in her hands. "I don't know," she said. "Well, look at the map."
That really got things going and turned into a huge argument, all because she simply didn't want to take out the map and guide us to the bus station. I knew, that it was quite easy and that she was more than capable of getting us there. In fact, she even made not that she knew how to read a map, but just that she wasn't very good at it and got easily confused doing so. We eventually made it to the station after about twenty minutes and only three turns. Was that so hard either?
I knew that in Vienna, we would take the metro from the bus station almost directly to the door or our hostel. So, I figure she could manage that as well. Why not? Apparently, it almost killed her, but she did it, with much assistance from me. I had written down the exact directions from the internet, but still it wasn't enough. One, because "OMG! It's too hard!" and two, because the directions were actually wrong on the website where we booked the hostel. Never-the-less, we did make it.
Vienna was nice. It was a lot of walking, since we were too cheap to pay for the expensive public transport, but still still. There was only one small incident there, but it was because she wasn't feeling well and neglected to mention this to me until it was at a really bad time. I can't say that one was my fault... From there, we made our way to Brno!
I knew that we would be spending much time in Brno hanging out, relaxing and largely just taking it easy. For me, it was just the same as going home after a trip around. The whole time in Brno, we had only one day with an actual plan. On that day, we got up and went with some friends to Moravsky Krumlov to see a really famous exhibition of paintings by Alfons Mucha. The rest of the time, I went out in the evenings with my friends and slept in the following morning. Kayla, however, just stayed in the room and watched movies or something. I really don't know what, but it was the same as doing nothing. It should be noted though, that this was as per her choosing. In the afternoons, we hung out together, usually in the room, but once or twice out in the city.
When it came almost time for us to depart from this beloved city, I sat down one day and told her that we needed to make a plan for the next week of out trip. Of course, she had no ideas for what we could do and certainly no input as to what we would do. I knew that immediately after Brno, we would come here, to Cesky Krumlov, but from there, we had no plan. Since she had nothing to say and "didn't care" what we did, I started looking up cities I knew of we could go to and spend a night or two in each.
Suddenly, I thought the world was going to end with the way she started complaining to me. Apparently, it was way, WAY too much for us to do, going to four different cities in nine days. She really laid into me! She said she didn't think she would be travelling so much like that while here. She said we had be travelling constantly for two weeks already, even though, we had been in Brno about five days at that point. And finally, the truth came out. She said that she didn't even want to be here any more and that she wanted to go home.
At least she was being honest, but that's pretty bad. I'm not sure what she expected before she came here, but apparently, this is not it. Still, I feel that she should be a bit more grateful and appreciative of what she has before her. Not everyone has the chance to travel around the world, and especially not at such a young age. I know for a fact that neither or our parents have ever even left the States, not to Mexico nor Canada.
It was at this time when she made it perfectly clear that we would both be much more happy if she were not here. She could be at home doing all this great nothing and I could be travelling to places I haven't been before, instead of being her own private tour guide. I know that is a bad thing to say, but she said it to me and I just have to let the world know how she truly feels about everything I'm doing for her. Not to mention all my friends who have been much appreciated, by me at least, for letting us stay with them in Vinarska and putting up with us for so long. MANY, MANY THANKS YOU GUYS!!! Also, sorry to you especially Petra for having the above mentioned argument in your room.
All things considered, I did what I had to do. I called my friend and asked to stay with him for the next two nights. Then, I booked a hostel in Cesky Krumlov and after, started pricing out places for us to stay in Brno. Yep, when we leave here, we're going BACK to Brno to stay in a hostel until the 23rd, when we go to Olomouc for the rest of out time here, with some of my friends there. Only there, I hope that Kayla will be able to show a little bit more appreciation and not be in such an unhappy mood all the time. One friend, who will go without being named, even made the comment that she just looked so bored and angry...
I suppose now, I will go and try to find some of that free beer and then go to bed early since that's where Kayla already is. Tomorrow will be a very tough day. I'm going to walk about and enjoy myself and if it's too much for her, then "tough!" I cannot help it if she's not happy and doesn't want to be here, but this is my last bit of time in Europe and I want to enjoy it the best I can, because life happens and I might not ever get the chance to come back. I've done everything I can for her thus far, but apparently, that isn't enough. So now, it's time to take care of me.
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Easy Solution
04 June 2009 - 14:14
So, you're in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn't have sex with you anyway.
What you will need: 1 x knife, 1 x ring, access to a sunbed, the ability to grow a beard.
Step One: Place the ring on your wedding finger and avoid contact with your friend for a month.
Step Two: Stop shaving and use the sunbed to gain a tan.
Step Three: After a month when your beard is full and your tan is noticeable, remove the ring from your finger.
Step Four: Remove all your clothes and break into your friend's house.
Step Five: Use the knife to cut your body in various places. Avoid the face. If possible, focus on your back. The more blood the better.
Step Six: Enter your friend's bedroom and lie face down on the floor. Wait for her return.
Step Seven: When she enters the room pretend to be unconscious. Allow her to turn you over and try to wake you for a few seconds before you open your eyes. The injuries to your body will serve as a distraction to your nakedness. She will be more concerned about your wellbeing instead of fearing the naked man in her room.
Step Eight: When she asks you what's happened you should ignore her questions. Instead you must act confused and ask the date. If it's September 15th she will say 'September 15th' to which you must reply 'No, what year is it?'
Step Nine: Upon hearing the year say the words 'It worked.' Pretend to lose consciousness again for a few seconds, implying that whatever it is that has worked took a great effort.
Step Ten: If your friend is a curious person she will probably ask 'What worked?', even if she doesn't ask this question it is important that you now say the words '(Insert Friend's Name), I'm from the future' in your most deadpan voice.
Step Eleven: Pause for ten seconds to allow the incrediblness of the situation to sink in. There will be no reason for her to doubt your claim, because your beard will make you appear many years older and your cuts would add weight to the idea that you've come from a post-apocalyptic future where a war is currently taking place.
Step Twelve: Raise your left hand to your face. All women are very observant, so your friend will immediately notice the tan line on your wedding finger. If she is educated to a decent standard she will realize that you are married and your ring has simply disappeared, because clothing and other items cannot travel through time. Your nudity will support this.
Step Thirteen: Now comes the hard part - The monologue. In your own words you must give a speech in which you mention all of these key points:
a) You are married to each other in the future
b) Her current boyfriend is dead
c) The world is coming to an end. It's up to you to pick a reason, but I would recommend a war against machines. This whole situation will be backed up by the Terminator franchise
d) In the future your relationship is not going well
e) You've come back in time because you can't help but feel that she would have been happier with her current boyfriend if he hadn't been killed
f) Her current boyfriend is going to be hit by a bus on a day six months from her present. She should stop him going to work that day
g) If she does exactly what you say this current version of yourself will be erased and you will never get married. If she questions this flaw in your time travel logic, because you cannot change the past, simply reference Back to the Future
Step Fourteen: Unless your friend is made of stone she will now be overcome by emotion, especially at your selflessness. Get to your feet and go to kiss her goodbye. It is important that you do this with the confidence of a man who has done this to her many times.
Step Fifteen: There is now no possible way that you aren't about to have sex with her. You're naked, kissing her, in her bedroom, agreeing to erase a version of yourself from history to make her happy. And as far as she knows you've had sex many times in a future that will no longer happen, so she thinks to herself that maybe she should have one memory of it.
Step Sixteen: After having the sex, ask to borrow some clothes then leave.
Step Seventeen: Shave off your beard and coat your wedding finger in fake tan. Carry on as if nothing has happened. There will be three possible outcomes:
1) During the sex some feelings that she didn't know existed are awakened and she will leave her boyfriend for you.
2) Life will carry on as normal.
3) You will be filled with guilt because of this moral grey area where you aren't entirely sure if what you've done counts as some kind of low level rape. You will take your own life by hanging, overdose or wrist cutting.
Source: Batteries Feel Included
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Short Praha Blog
02 June 2009 - 09:55
Everthing has gone pretty smoothly so far! and that's awesome! My sister got on all her flights without any significant issues and arrived in Praha on schedule, though tired as hell.
Mostly, we've just been wondering around this BEAUTIFUL city, enjoying its magic. Today we are gonna' head of to a nearby city, Karlstejn, to see a really famous castle there. It's probably the most appeciated, admired and well-known of all castles in the Czech Republic, except the Prague castle, which is awesome, but really ain't that great, though it is really, really big (that's what she said). It's just that people only ever see Praha, so that's the only one they get to see, sadly.
Well, we're off now!
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